Thursday, December 27, 2012



Did you hear about the dentist that fired his dental assistant of 10 years.  The reason for termination was irresistible attractiveness.  He was worried that he might cheat on his wife with her.  She sued for sexual discrimination, but the panel of all-male judges dismissed the suit saying “sorry, I can’t blame the guy, your just too darned irresistibly attractive”.


Wow Flashback:  “Computer Files” (See Humpday Hoopla Vol. 94.32)


Damon and Affleck lose the will


The Chiefs have a good punter.


I’m on a crowe bender.  Just watch Elizabethtown.  I can’t wait for his next, starting emma stone and Bradley cooper.


Countdown to 2012:  Ison to be brighter than the moon.


I just can’t get excited about basketball this year, even though we just beat a top 10 team on a neutral floor.  It’s just too sad watching Franks players out there.


Die Hard of the week:  “Oh the weather outside is frightful, dum dee dum delightful.”


The guy who played Ralphie in Christmas Story is now 41 and firmly entrenched in the Vaugn/Favrough brand.  He produced The break-up, 4 Christmases and Iron Man.  He also directed couples retreat.


NG-STOW: “Tea. Earl-Grey. Hot.”

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

12.50, Golden Eagle White Christmas

 This animated gif was just taken by a friend of mine

Countdown to 2012:  Blizzard of 2012


Die Hard of the Week:  “It’s Christmas Theo, it’s the time of miracles!” (See Humpday Hoopla Vol. 89.50)


Countdown to 2012:  The KBI dug up the bodies of the “In Cold Blood” killers in connection with a 1959 murder in Florida.


It’s Marc Dunn/Ell Roberson all over again:  Cats bring in Juco QB who broke Cam Newtrons passing record.  Sure, you say, he threw 39 TD’s this year, but I say don’t forget the interception.


Ducockis is back.


Countdown to 2012:  It’s 2012!


I told you a year ago, the Chiefs should have nabbed Kirk Kuzzins


TCU scores 31 points!  (not football)


Ducks and Cats have combined for 11 finishes in the top 10 since 1995.  Prior to 1995 they have combined for 1, which was Oregon in 1948.  I didn’t even know that Oregon was a state in 1948.


It looks like the human Genome Smith will be in red next year.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

12.49, 12-12-12-12-12-12.12

 Back to the well. I think I could look at this picture every day until I die, and I still smile every time I see it

Stat of the week:  16% of online holiday shopping conducted on toilet


James Cameraman announces that Avitar sequal-trillogy (part 2, 3 and 4) will be filmed with high frame rate, but like beta/vhs he is waiting to see what the industry adopts, whether it’s 48 fps or 60.


Trailer-palooza:  M. Night shamalamadingdong’s “After Earth” with Rapper Fresh Prince and Christopher nolan’s “man of steel” both released yesterday.  2013, were it to exist, would have shaped up to be one of the best years in film, of all time.


Notre Dame is going to astro-turf carpet next year.  So why not Lambo?


One more exhibition game left in the sports season, then we wait for September L


Did you hear about the handyman that was forced to fix a few household appliances at gunpoint.


Countdown to 2012:  Hundreds of Thousands of genetically modified mosquitos to be released in Florida


I bought the new Jason born movie.  I went with the combo pack:  Blue Ray, DVD, Digital Copy, and Ultra Violet.  That’s four times the Renner!!!

Wednesday, December 5, 2012



55 for 9


5 for 7


Frozen Head of the Week:  Happy Birthday to Walt Disney


Calipari’s Paisans, suffer worst poll drop in history.  Bayler is good at shattering dreams.


Old News:  Brandon Weedon is older than Aaron Rodger


New memoirs of a geisha coffee at starbucks is $6 for a small cup.


Pile on Peter:  The Hobbit reviews are pouring in


Michael Bishop went undefeated, but lost to Ricky Williams in the Heisman voting.  Williams lost to K-State that year and was quoted as saying “I got the ball and all I saw was purple”.


Darren Sproles rushed for 2000 yards and won the first conference championship since Pappy Waldorf in 1934….he finished 5th in the voting.


Cline beat 6 ranked teams this year.  Johnny football only played 4 ranked teams and went 2-2.


I hope we don’t drop out of the top 10 when we beat Oregon.


PSA:  Brandon Marshall waxes “performance” enhancing drugs.


Duwane Bo is at it again.


KU is only team in the Big 12 that isn’t bowl eligible.


Man Crush Alert:  Born Identity:  Part IV comes out on Tuesday.


No team in the big 12 has lost to a non-bowl eligible team.


Got crops?  Cats 4-peat national title


I re-watched Batman Eight last night.  It was better the second time, I think because my expectations were a not set at a notch above “the greatest work of art in human history”, like when I watched the midnight showing.


Jeremy Renner is Sexy.

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

12.47, Jackpot

 J-E-T-S - Jets - Jets - Jets

San Fran approved new building code to allow 220 square foot apartments.  The rent is expected to start at only $1500/month!


Countdown to 2012:  Solar Maximum Event


Did you hear that America considered blowing up the moon in the 1950’s to intimidate Russians?


D-Bo waited in line outside the visitor’s locker room on Sunday, waiting for a peyton (helmet not headphones) autograph like pimply faced ace ventura.


Open Gangman Style is the most popular You Tube video of all time.


Wow:  portmanteau - Lub


Did you hear that Jeneene garafolo was married for 20 years before finding out about it?


Countdown to 2012:  No reported cases of stabbings or shootings in New York City on Monday.


If the season were over today, Notre Dame is projected to finish in either 1st or 2nd place in the BCS standings and therefore have a chance to play for the BCS title.


Collon, you got robbed by a nickname.  A stupid one at that.  Can’t they just put football after anyone’s name?  Stewie Football.   Leedog Football.  See?  Lee still sucks with the “greatest nickname of all time”.


I thought trailer #1 for Lay-mizz looked epic, but trailer #2 looks a little “Siegfried & Roy” if you know what I mean.


54 for 9

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

12.46, Turkey Tuesday

Say it Aint So

It’s the triple crown.  THE TRIPLE CROWN!!!

 Countdown to 2012:  Rip Twinkies

Big 10 gets “larger” as the Turtles and Girly-Scarlets are added to ten.  

Boise State and Sandiego State say “thanks but no thanks” to big east.  They’d rather play real football in the Mountain Belt.


Once again the glass slipper does not fit.  No fairy tale ending once again for the cats.  It’s our cross to bear.  I wouldn’t want it any other way.


Dhw:  “Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, except the four ____ holes coming in a standard 2x2 cover formation”


Countdown to 2012:  Rip Elmo


One cup of egg nog = 350 Calories


PETA hates Peter (Jackson)


Thanksgiving Mythbusted:  The evil triptofam chemical is not the culprit responsible for so many Barry Sanders and Joey Harrington siestas.  Turkey does contain triptofan, a chemical known to cause drowsiness, and turkey does indeed contain a higher amount of trippofam than most meats, however the content is only marginally higher, ergo it virtually makes you no more tired than the meats you have with your normal lunch, like beef or chicken.  The real reason for the nappy-poo during the thrilling Charlie Batch 4th quarter comeback is the carbs.  You get overloaded at lunch with dressing, and, mashed potatoes, and sweet potatos and dinner rolls and lunch rolls, and jam, and cranberry sauce, and then you have grandma’s apple pie, mom’s apple pie, and your sister’s apple pie.  You suffer an extreme blood sugar spike, followed by an insulin shock that sends you into a severe blood sugar crash, right about the same time the lions apponent is too, having a severe spike (of the football after a 10th TD).


The Lions are bad at football.


The player of the week has been in the West Virginia game every week in history of this conference.


The Chiefs pulled a Chiefs.  Maybe Charlie Batch will start for KC next year!


53 for 9


Flashback to 1993 man crush:  Charlie Batch


I'm Duncan MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

12.45, Four Starr

The Trophy - - - - - - - - - - Go Cline


2 for 7




Chiefs lead!!! During a game!!!  (first time in a year)


He’s the puxxa tony phil of the south.  Brasstown’s new year’s possum drop has been outlawed, due to Peta protests.  Brasstown, NC is the possum capital of the world, or at least they were the possum capital of the world.  Hahahahahahah (Dr. Claw evil Laugh)


Shirtless thinker


I’m so sad about K-State.  Poor Bill.  We were “this close”.  L


Since the founding of the big 12, K-State has the third most players in the NFL.  (Don’t mess with Boomers)


Critics are hammering “The Hobbit:  Part 1” for its use of HFR (filmed at 50 fps rather than traditional 25 fps).  Peter Jackson says, “sure it looks like a cheap soap opera, but I assure you it cost twice as much to look that cheap, so you better stop complaining and enjoy it”


Lighting does indeed strike twice.  Carthage, MO:  Home of Splatterware and Precious Moments.


I know that I’ve done something bad when I walk into the laundry room and the washing machine has moved 3 feet.


52 for 9


Spiderman, Part IV was OK.  I will say it was better than any toby macquire movie and any sam ramie move.  Save Evil Dead 2 (that goes without saying)


Come get some!

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

12.44, Decision Edition

 Hurricane Ivan

“…with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence…”



3 for 7




One computer poll has Ducks #7


51 for 9


Wow:  Gird - Lub


Dentist PSA:  Milk Duds will destroy us all!!!!!!


The Republican presidential candidate has won every Nov. 6th election.


The Democratic presidential candidate usually wins when Florida State beats Miami. (Noles won)


The incumbent party presidential candidate usually wins when Redskins win. (Redskins lost)


The Democratic presidential candidate usually wins when Alabama beat LSU.  (Tide rolled....barely)


How would Peyton look in red?  (headphones not helmet)


The TCU “Horny Toads” aren’t even real toads at all (nor are they frogs). The horny toad AKA the Texas Horned Lizard is, in fact a lizard.  Go back to the mountain west!

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

12.43, Frankenstorm


Countdown to 2012:  See subject line


Countdown to 2012:  Countdown to 2015: Episode VII


3 for 7




K-State #1 in 3 out of the 6 computer polls (Alabama still only #1 in one computer poll)


How bad is KU?  They have zero wins against Division I-A


Have you seen the latest trailer for Die Hard 5:  Die SuperDuper Hard?  It actually doesn’t look too terrible.


Wow: Zemmiphobia – Fear of the Great Mole Rat


K-State beats four ranked teams in same season for first time ever.


Cow:  Everyone Fights, no one quits. –ST


50 for 9


How bad are the Chiefs?  It’s November and they still haven’t had a lead during a game.


Countdown to 2012:  Honey I shrunk the $1 McDonalds breakfast burrito.


Die Hard of the Week:  “All the terrorists in the world, and I kill the one that has smaller feet than my sister.”


With each week that passes and with each impressive K-State victory, I get sadder and sadder.  L   I know that my heart will be crushed soon.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012


That's my finger

That's my hand


Two computer rankings have Kstate #1 in the nation.  One computer ranking has Alabama #1.


7 for 7


4 for 7




The chiefs bye week really screwed up my fantasy team.  hahahahahahaha


Iron Man iii trailer:  Nuff Said


Even in Metropolis, print is dead.


Wow:  sordid – Lub


Aurther Brown catches first interception of the year by eventual Heisman trophy winner for second consecutive year.


German PSA:  Be slightly skeptical about buying breast milk on the internet from strangers for your newborn baby.


Vegas odds for the Troph:  2:3


Hanx drops F-bom.  (I told you this was coming; new Wachowski siblings movie)


Tact:  Madonna pretends to shoot machine guns at Colorado audience.


Countdown to 2012:  Some guy went 12-monkeys and infected bank tellers by depositing contaminated money wrapped in a paper towel.


96 is the new 40.


University of North Carolina bans the word “Freshman” because it’s not “gender inclusive”.


Red Cheetoes = Red “you know what”.  Now we have two colors of Cheetoes punchlines.


I’m all in:  Carrie’s Mad.  Max is Super.  Clark is Lone. The Ranger is Dreddful.  Judge Evil.  Robo’s dead.  Copout remakes.


49 for 9


K-State beats three ranked teams on the road for first time ever.  (See Humpday Hoopla Vol. 98.44 and 12.41)


Wickerman 2:  Big Tex (cliché electrical fire in the neck, I’ve seen it 1000 times)


Tight-rope the Grand Canyon without a net?  Pack a lunch, that’s a half mile walk.


Klein sucks:  on average, he has thrown one incompletion per half in each of the last one games.  Quit throwing it into the dirt!!!


Wednesday, October 17, 2012



3 for 7



Wow:  Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia – Lub

K-State beats two ranked teams on the road for second time ever.  (See Humpday Hoopla Vol. 98.44)


What the hell is Circus O’lay?


10-11-12 marked 50 year anniversary of Vatican II.


Shawnee County lets you “opt. out” of the $4/month recycling program.  You only have to pay a modest opt out fee of 4$/month.


Bomb-Gardner goes supersonic.


The Bumble Bee “Tuna Tragedy of 2012” reminds me of Barth, “What do you think’s in the burgers.”  Those kids kept going back, and they would fall for it every time.


Akeeb 2:  Still Smoking


Bowling ball sized squid eyeball washes ashore in Aspen, the Sunshine State.


The best part about going to Menards: Unlike Worlds of Fun or Disney World, you can go back the next day.


K-State Victories over Hiesman champs (in same year):

1998:  Ricky “munchies” Williams

2002:  Carson “rosie” Palmer

2003:  Jason “where am I?” White

2011:  RG|||

2012:  The Human Genome Smith

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

12.40, Big Bird

 Key to a man's heart

5 for 7


Most expensive house in Shawnee County found to be priceless worthless.


MNF 666


Countdown to 2012:  Fungal Meningitus


Did you hear about the car dealership that accidently sold a car to a dude for $5,000 less than they were supposed to?  They called him the next day, after all the papers were signed and told him to bring the car back or pay $5K, and so he said NFW.  So the car dealership calls the cops and says, “Mr. Smith stole a car from us, his address is 555-5309 Elm Street.”  Then the cops came to guys house and hauled him off in the paddy-wagon.  Then a couple days later, the dealership told the dude that they were really sorry.


Die Hard of the Week:  “They’ll spend a month sifting through the rubble and by the time they realize what went wrong, we’ll be sitting on a beach, earning 20%”


We tried AJ’s Pizza.  I give it a 5.5 out of 10.  So yes, it’s the best pizza in town.


Cow: “Must go Faster” – Jeff Goldbloom (11 separate 90’s movies)


132 is the new 40


Countdown to 2001:  SpaceX


48 for 9


Trailer for the new Die Hard movie is out (Die Hard 5:  Die Really Really Hard).  It looks like a spoof of that movie Die Hard.

Wednesday, October 3, 2012


Higher res than the original 

Still 7&7


Die Hard of the Week:  “I guess we’re gonna need some more FBI guys.”


Tim Time?


The critics are saying, “if you thought Inception was too dumbed-down, then you’ll love Looper.”


It’s now been about 10 months since the Chiefs have led during a game.


Countdown to 2012:  Scientists clone a cow that makes hypoallergenic milk.  The cow is perfectly fine, except for being born without a tail!  The scientists say that being born without a tail is a common abnormality associated with the cloning process and is inconsequential.  So Drink up.


The Hillbilly Human Genome Smith delivers super eight.


I watched Avengers again (this time on home-video) and it was no better than I remembered.


Did you hear about the guy who caught a fish and found a human finger inside of it?  Turned out that it belonged to a dude who lost some fingers in a routine wake-board accident months earlier.  When the department of fish and wildlife called him up to tell him the good news, the conversation went like this:  “Hello Mr. Smith, this is the department of wildlife”  and his reply  “let me guess, you found my finger in a fish?”


One to go for cool brees


Tundra Endeavor:  Tundra tows Endeavor


Man Crush Alert:  Joseph Gorden Levvit


West Virginia sucks.  That QB threw 5 incompletions on Saturday.


Avengers might be in my top 5 favorite movies of all time, certainly top 10.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012



Lucky #7 and Lucky #7


Wow:  parousia - Lub


Countdown to 2032:  California legalizes “Demolition Man” style self-driving cars


Countdown to 1932:  Florida public schools introduce paddling


Countdown to 2012:  You have heard of “death by firing squad”?  China deploys “death by steamroller” (ala austin powers)


Die Hard of the Week:  “O.M.Gosh, the quarterback is toast”


The Chiefs are getting ready to play in their 4th game of the year, and so far, all season, they have never led in game with time on the clock…..and they are playing for first place this weekend.


ESPN:  Cline is a lock for the troph, if the cats go 12-0.


They are having some sewer problems in Zim-bob-way, so the government is having everybody flush their toilets at the same time.  It’s a synchronized flush at 7:30 pm on the spot.


It’s political:  Presidential candidates are even adding their two cents on the NFL refs


Did you realized that Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Douglas (its hyphenated) shared a birthday yesterday.  There is only 1/40th of a millennium in age difference.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012


 Iron Mike

Lucky #13


Hit and Run:  Lindsey Lowen is at it again. 


Countdown to 2012:  The guy who almost died of black plague, had to have his fingers and toes cut off.  (Ripped from the headlines of “countdown to 1212)


Japanese scientists discover fake tooth enamel.  (This, on the eve of Chinese invasion.  Coincidence?  Or so the Germans would have us think.)


Vince Vaughn, Owen Wilson, and Will Ferrell are filming their new movie at Google Fort Knox


Lub:  Bomb Calorimeter – Lub  (BTW:  I’m probably on an FBI watch-list now)

Charles Barkley finishes his career 0-4 against The Cardinals.

Amish on Amish Hate:  Amish Amish Beard-cutters, face prison time. (no typo)


If the NHL is not careful, they may be replaced in “the big four” by Winston Cup.  (I couldn’t even type that with a straight face).    Hahahahahahaha race car driving is stupid.


Countdown to 2012:  New anti-anti-biotic superbug claims 7th Victim.  (no typo)

Thursday, September 13, 2012

12.36, Belated for no Reason


Kstate #14




Wow:  Burnish – Lub


Military designs robot that runs faster than Usain Bolt.


Thailand woman commits suicide by jumping into hungry crocodile pit.  Husband’s response was:  “yep, sounds like something she would do”


Man in Sweden dies when doctor leaves for lunch during operation.




The hill-billy pigs drop out of the top 25 (from #8) after losing in OT!


Luck looked like a rookie out there.

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

12.35, Opening Day/Abridged Holidy




I just watch the “D” trilogy with the kids over the weekend.  What an epic saga:  In the first movie they play against the 20-time defending state champs, the Hawks (draped in all black), then they up the ante in part 2 by fighting for American freedom against evil communist Iceland in the world championships! Finally, they don’t hold anything back for the third movie where the thrilling climax is an epic high school scrimmage against their own team.  I hope they make a D4 that ends with a 2:00 A.M. Sega Genesis showdown in the college dorms.


Billy Galispi is the new mike leach/ mark mangino, in that he is now in trouble for being mean to his players.  The latest that I heard was that he made them shave and get haircuts.


Wow:  Stalomg – The psueduo-word that one inadvertently types when one’s intent is to type “Staking” but one’s hand slides to the right of the home-keys by one key.


Speaking of Quorty trivia, “Stewardesses” and “stewarts” can both be typed with one hand.  Yes!!!  (Note:  Quarty is pronounced qwerty)

Wednesday, August 29, 2012



Wow: pareidolia – Lub


Road Trip:  State Fair turns 100


Did you hear about the prankster in Montana who dressed up in a Big-Foot suit and thought it would be funny to scare some motorists on the highway?   You can guess how this story ended….with a toe tag….a BIG toe tag.


I went to 5th Avenue:   No big deal.  It’s basically a poor man’s Butterfinger.  L


In “2010: The year we make contact”, a boy had poster of an Olympic sprinter on wall with the title “Beijing 08”.  In real life, Beijing wasn’t selected until the early 2000’s.  The movie was filmed in 1983.


I red boxed “ATM”.  It’s “Saw” meets “Joy Ride”.   So basically, awesome.


First August that I ever needed hand lotion and chap stick.


Office over.


Pee-Wee 60.


Remember in the 80’s when they said we would all be dead by the turn of the century from African killer bees migrating north from central America?  Now the buzz word (pun intended) is West Nile Virus.  Didn’t we already debunk this farce about 10 years ago?  Come on, give me a break.  Bird flu, swine flu, who gives a sh……….. (that’s from Happy Gilmore)


Jets:  First team since the 70’s, not to score a TD in 3 pre-season games


Speaking of Windows ’95, why are we still using the same operating system, almost 20 years later.  Think of how far software came in the previous 20 years before 1995.  Sandra Bullock ordered a pizza online in 1995….easily. 


Does anyone want to go in and split the cost of a west nile appocolypse survival bunker?


Three perfect games so far this year (most ever).  I remember Kenny Rogers like it was yesterday.  At the time, I think they only had one about every ten years or so.  I don’t know if lowering the mound a few inches is going to fix it this time.  Maybe we need to put them in fox holes.


Batman III cracks top 10 all-time box office sales.  I wonder how much it would have made.


I’m addicted to 5th Avenue trips.  I’m up to like 1.2 BPD’s (bars per day)

Wednesday, August 15, 2012


 NCAA Shirt

It’s the Nebraska Furniture Mart of home improvement stores, that is if Nebraska Furniture Mart is Buckingham Palace.  The excellence is noticed, even before you enter the building; first you are hypnotized by the all-concrete parking lot with luxurious 10’ wide parking stalls, then you walk through the turn-styles and feel like a kid at Worlds of Fun.  They got groceries, sporting goods, DVD’s and for the peace day résistance, they even had some sort of Little Debbie snack that I had never seen before that resembled a ding dong (in looks only).  Bye-bye Lowes.  Bye-bye Home Depot.


Wow: desist - Lub


We should have known then, what we know now:  Chasing Pavements slipped under our noses.


The trailer for “Red Dawn” is out.  It looks….ok.  Captain Kirk’s dad, Captain Kirk, reprises the Patrick Swayze roll!  It was originally filmed with China as the bad guy, but outside pressure forced the filmmakers to Change the flags from China to North Korea, with computer graphics in post-production.


I got in line at the Paola McDonalds at 10:25 on Monday.  The chap in front of me ordered 3 chicken sandwiches and 2 fish sandwiches.  The clerk said, and I quote: “I’m serving breakfasts, pops”.  The man reluctantly changed his order to 5 Sausage McMuffins with egg.  I then stepped up and ordered 1 bacon-egg-cheese-bisk.  The clerk said:  “We are no longer serving breakfast”.  I almost went “Falling Down” on him, but I was late for a meeting and I kindly stormed out.


Sporting wins open cup. The prize is rich in tradition; older than the Lambardi Trophy, older than the Stanley Cup……Nobody noticed


F-Bomb now in Dictionary.


Menards had slightly unorthodox checkout lanes….I’m never going back.


History:  Perhaps the most recognizable song in America (including the Star Spangled Banner):  “Home on the Range”  was written in 1872 in Kansas, about Kansas by a Kansas pioneer.


If the $350 Mill doesn’t hit tonight, were doing a pool for the next one.


Legacy and Tradition:  See attached Tee.  The back of the shirt says: “Overstepping Their Bounds And Punishing The Innocent”  This shirt is sold in the Penn State book store.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012



Wow:  mete – Lub


Sorry, I don’t have as many news stories to comment on this week.  I have been going “media silent” as to not get Olympic spoiler updates.  Although Jason finds a way to spoil most of the outcomes for me anyway.  Thanks Jason, what a good friend.


IRS considers value of Olympic gold medal as income, taxes Olympians.


Hey Jason:  tonight I’m going to watch “Planet of the Apes”, “Sixth Sense”, and “Psycho”, maybe you can tell me the ending, before I watch it.


We all heard the story that Lockte pees in the pool during races, but my question is about that urban legend where the water turns color when you pee in the pool.  That’s got to be made-up, right?


2-time NCAA National Champ (soon to be 3-time) from K-State took the silver in high-jump.


I found 5th Avenue.  (It’s at the corner of 17th & Washburn)

Tuesday, July 31, 2012



Wow:  Excelsior – Lub


Michael Kane has starred in each of the last 5 Nolan films.  Not to be confused with Michael Bine:  Hey Christian Bale, come with me if you want to live.


Speaking of the lovely Michael Bine, Happy 56th!!!


England spent 110 thousand (thousand with a T) to prep London for hosting the Olympics……….the 1948 Olympics, that is.


The eyes of the world’s nerds are upon KC.  One Gbps.  Download an HD movie in 3 seconds.


I’ve been on a “mission impossible” kick lately, so I checked out John Woo’s MI:2 from the library to see if it was as bad as I remember from when I saw it in the theater……Conclusion:  worse than I remembered


I can’t believe I’m saying this after “Larry Crown”, but the new Tom Hanks movie looks like a game changer, for real.


Flashback to junior high (1995):  Microsoft pays the stones $1 million to use their song in commercial for new operating system.


For the first time in history, all 105 counties declared disaster areas due to drought.


Does anyone know if they sell “5th Avenue” bars in Kansas.  I just watched Stargate a few weeks ago and I’m jonesing big time.  But I can’t find them anywhere.


Cow:  “Print is dead” – Egon Spangler    (Newsweek announced last humpday that they are closing up shop)


For the last 20 years, Bob Costas has been stuck at 40 years old!  He must be a fem-bot.  Machine gun jubblies!?!

Wednesday, July 25, 2012


 Reel Cover

Wow:  circa - Lub


Spoiler Alert Alert:  Letterman spoils Batman III


I just watched MacGyver: Season 4 with the kids, circa  1989.  In the final two episodes of the season the villians were domestic terrorists deploying Anthrax and an EMP.  Pretty “ahead of the time” for 1989.  We didn’t start hearing about anthrax until after 911 and most people still don’t know what an EMP is, except for us nerds who first learned about it through late 90’s action flicks such as broken arrow and Matrix.


Man of Steel teaser with DKR.  It looks incredible.


Let’s bring back Orville


Teen heart throb Joshua Jackson (Mighty Ducks, D2: Mighty Ducks, Part 2), is mulling over whether to go ahead and make the Hobbit a full trilogy.


“Gangster Squad” to cut movie theater scene and re-shoot.


Quote of the Week (Cow):  “Your either moving forward or moving backward, there aint no third direction.”  -Tom Callahan, Sr.


Did you hear that the Chalk Pyrimids are for sale?  Last chance to see them, before the developer flattens them for a Walmart parking lot.  It’s prime real estate.


It’s been 100 years since the Olympic gold medal was gold.  It’s now about 5% gold with the rest being mostly silver.  The value of precious metal in a gold is about six hundo, a silver is about three hundo, and a bronze is about five bones.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012


Where do you want to go today?


Wow:  Wrought - Lub


I now own a Digital television.  It’s nice to be able to watch TV without one of them there digital-to-analog converters.  In honor of this wondrous event, I will be holding a movie night at my house and you are all invited.  I have been debating it for literally years as to what movie to use for this event, and I have decided that the movie will be James Cameraman’s “The Abyss” starring man-crush material: Michael Bine.  There is one small snag in this idea……The Abyss has not come out yet L.  But as soon as its released, you are all invited to my first movie night!!!


Countdown to DKR:  1


Trivia:  At any given moment, ½ million people are airborne in planes.


Rotton Tomatoes has censored Dark Knight Criticism (a first for RT).  I guess the hard core batties were taking it way to seriously and offering up retaliatory death threats and the like.


Remember when we were kids and the cereal commercials would show a bowl of cereal next to two slices of toast, a glass of milk, a glass of orange juice, a place of scrambled eggs and bacon, and the slick talking narrarator would say:  “part of this complete breakfast”.  I remember as a kid thinking:  “you could replace that bowl of cereal with a cinder block and it would still be part of this complete breakfast”


Got autumn?   I’m getting serious cabin fever.

Saturday, July 7, 2012


No Explanation Necessary


Wow: hereafter - Lub


Countdown to 2012:  I had a “Countdown to 2012” prepared for this weeks HH, but my malware ate it.  (I will understand if you stop reading now)


Trivia:  How many days out of the calendar year do not have any professional sports games occur (the big four major sports leagues).  Answer:  Two days (the day before, and the day after the MLB all-star game)


Did you hear about the guy who robbed subway?  The cops tracked him to his hideout, by following the trail of stolen Doritos.


I tried the pulled-pork at BK.  It’s no Gates, but still worth the price of admission.


Have you seen the Jack Reacher trailer?  That guy does not look 50 years old.


Famous Scottish Engineers:

  1. Stew
  2. MacGyver
  3. Mr. Scott (Scotty)
  4. Engineer from Speed 2: Cruise Control
  5. James Watt

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

12.27, Fourth Edition




Rip:  Famous villain of TV and silver screen:  Andy Griffith


Wow: copacetic - Lub


Avengers pulled into 2nd place, all time.  Over 600 mills.  It won’t catch Avitar, but what a run.


Countdown to 2012:  Army develops Laser induced plasma channel (LIPC).  It’s a gun that shoots electricity with the ease and accuracy of a laser, basically the gun that killed Dozer and Cypher in the Matrix.


Tyson Tweet:  Evander’s ear would have tasted better with BBQ sauce.


Countdown to 2012:  Google teaches computers to mimic human brain


NBA drafts two from Kentucky in first two picks (first time ever).


Decision 2012:  A National Geographic poll found that 2 out of 3 Americans believe that Obama is better suited than Romney in defending us during an invasion….of space aliens.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012



Wow:  pediment - Lub


Now:  Phil Dalhausser:  The Thin Beast


So we have entered the playoff era.  No more computers….so no more K-State


First trailer for Dredd came out….as with Total Recall, I’m less excited than I should be. L


I knew you’d say that.


James Cameraman is filming an unpresidented three sequals at the same time.


How is it that I am 31 years old, and I am only now discovering the simple but extraordinary delight of combining a sweet pastry with a cup of black coffee?  I’ve opened up a new door to a whole new universe of food!


K-State’s defending two time national champion is heading to London!


Does anyone else think that the “hiding place” in the Millenium Falcon was a little sucky?  That’s like a cop saying, “I’m sorry I didn’t search the trunk for doobage Sarge, but how was I supposed to know that the car had a trunk.


King James is younger than Michael was when he won his first title.  (Note:  I am not saying LeBron is better, nor am I saying he is not a total tool)


Did you hear about the caddie on the European tour who accidently put an extra club in the bag?  So, on the second hole he tried to ditch the club in a bush and another caddie casually said “Hey buddy, what were you doing in that bush?” and the guilty caddie broke down under the extreme scrutiny and quickly uttered a full confession.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

12.25, Sizzling Summer


I saw these and I thought . . . where have I seen that orange chain before . . . ?

Second Grade Flashback

Happy first day of summer!  


During the summertime, when I was a kid, I used to think “When I grow up, I’m going to have to go to work every day during the summer.  No Breaks for 40 years.  How depressing L”  Of course now that I’m grown up and I’m actually here, I think  “Yep, I was pretty much right”.


Nickname of the Week (NoW):  Atlanta: The big peach


Why does the auctioneer have to talk so fast? 


WoW:  indemnity - LUB


Serious question:  I know nothing about race car players, but is “Junior” the Anna Kornacopia of Winston Cup?  Because I heard that he won his first game in 4 years.


16.3 Petaflops!  1955 Emit Brown would have blown a blood vessel in his brain for sure.


NY Ban Update:  Now they are talking about movie theater popcorn and drinks containing milk

Wednesday, June 13, 2012


 Once again . . . not fake

WoW:  Hark - LUB


Countdown to 2012:  Need a jogger companion?  Go drone with “Joggobot”.


“Premium Rush” looks like it’s going to easily be in the all-time top-2 list of bicycle-messenger movies, second only to Kevin Bacon’s “Quicksilver”.


mmmmmm….Bacon Sunday at BK……


Remember Clint Eastwood and that movie about “The Rock”?  (not to be confused with “The Rock”).  The only three men to ever potentially escape, will have the warrants for their arrest expire on their 100th birthdays.  Luck-eeeeeeee


It’s final:  Coroner finds that a dingo did eat her baby.


Mr. K, owned at the K.  (Mr. Z to the layman)


San Fran is going Collin Ferral and Tom Cruise…...Pre-Crime

Wednesday, June 6, 2012


This is really a new law


New York bans pop.  Don’t freak out, they only banned pop that is larger than 16 ounces.  I think they tried to ban salt in food a couple years ago, and everyone was like “wait….did, did, did…did you say…..salt?”


The third trailer for Abraham Lincoln:  Vampire Hunter  just came out.  Honest Abe was a tough emineffer.


In New Jersey, it’s click-it or ticket….for Fido.


Venus crossed the face of the sun yesterday.  Next time it happens will be 105 years.


Countdown to 2012:  I went by the ammunition section at Walmart the other day and they were sold out!  So, that either means Walmart does not know how to run a business and manage inventory, OR naked-zombie-cannibal-apocalypse.


Avengers just passed Batman, Part 2, and is now the third highest grossing film ever (behind a couple James Cameran movies…the hack).


WoW:  Markedly – LUB


T-dub:  Now winningest ever


Have you heard about the latest legal drama/comedy from Hollywood?  Kevin Costner and Stephen Baldwin are wrapped up in a zany lawsuit and from there the hijinks ensue.  (note:  real life)


I just saw “Man on a Ledge” with Ed Burns.  It re-kindled my old 90’s man-crush….  I’m kidding


Anderson Cooper just had a birthday this week…00’s crush man-crush……..kidding…..sorta

Wednesday, May 30, 2012



They caught the killer of the world’s first Milk-Carton-Kid!


Countdown to 2012:  Simian Foamy Virus is the next HIV, no big dilly


Speaking of ABCs, do you remember that group “Another Bad Creation”?  I heard the song “playground” on the 90’s channel coming into work today.  Weren’t they a bunch of kids, or am I thinking of Criss-Cross?


You’re wondering what is 4k?  It’s got 8.8 million pixels, that’s like a 9 megapixel photo for each frame!  1080p is about 2 million pixels.  The 4K stands for roughly 4000 pixels wide, whereas 1080 means 1080 pixels tall.  They think that future technology might allow a 4k movie to fit onto a blu-ray disc, but good luck streaming it from Netflix without google fiber (requires 20 Mbps).  I guess that new 60” LED that you just bought is basically a paperweight.  HAHAHA


Avengers:  Fastest to 500 Mills


MIBIII:   <<<Insert Ren & Stimpy Foghorn Sound>>>


Last month was the 20 year anniversary of the Rodney King Riots (remember the sublime song?)  It made me think of the Doogie Howzer, M.D. episode with The smurfs Neil Patrick Harris.  He was treating dozens of people in the hospital who had gotten hurt in the riots, and one guy was carrying a brand new ghetto-blaster (stolen of course), well anyway, if I remember correctly, Doogie had a talk with him and turned his life around.


Word of the Week (WOW):  Rustication – Look it Up, Bitch (LUB) Pardon my French


I think Robert Zimekus has made two movies in his whole career that were better than terrible.  It just so happens that they were maybe two of the best movies of all time.


A lawyer, a dentist, and a naked-cannibal walk into a bar……..too soon?

Wednesday, May 23, 2012


 Looks like we got another Citizen Kane on our hands

After watching Ghost Protocol, I was jones-ing for more mission, so I re-watched MI-III.  I had forgotten that in order for him to “get the girl”, Ethan Hunt pretends to be a Transportation Engineer.  Works every time.


One in three divorce filings contain the word ‘”Facebook”.   More on apocalyptic evil androids later.


I just saw that movie, “Regarding Henry”.  It’s the one where Harrison Ford gets brain damage and has to learn to walk and talk again.  In the beginning of the movie, John Legozommo shoots Dr. Jones twice, once in the forehead, but strangely enough, it was the bullet in his shoulder that caused the brain damage.


The Avengers pulled into 5th place all time ticket sales, and they show no sign of slowing down.


Meanwhile, at $20 mill, Battleship had the worst opening weekend of any $200 million movie.  Even John Carter was able to make 25 (ouch).


Did you hear about the SEC/Big12 bowl?  This is supposed to be the equivalent to the Rose Bowl.  So the analysts are saying that this could be the four-team playoff someday, with the winner of this bowl and the winner of the rose bowl to play for the national championship.  Sorry ACC and Big East, but as a consolation, the transition to flag football will come naturally for them.


New Era:  This week we had the first commercial space flight to the international space station.  Evil androids are next.


Speaking of the apocalypse, they say that the reason the Facebook price was so inflated, was because they are assuming that someday they will be able to make additional profits from sources that are yet discovered.  For example, they think that someday all online activity will need to go through facebook, so facebook will be a requirement for commerce.   Hmmm, I think I have heard this before, like in the book of revelation.  Yikes, Sell your stock before the price hits $6.66


I’m not joining facebook.


We live in scary times.  Evil is everywhere.  Silver lining:  Trailer for Anchorman 2 is out!!!

Wednesday, May 16, 2012




Rare two in a row English speaking Olympics.  We should go.  We won’t have to learn another language.  It would be worth it, just to see the biggest McDonalds in the world (1500 seats!).


Has anyone else seen Cameron Crows “We Bought a Zoo”.  Matt Damon’s character banks at Cap Fed!  I looked it up and the most remote branch of the Topeka based bank is in Wichita, so it’s an odd movie reference since the setting is southern California (I barely noticed it.  It was his debit card at home depot).  I’m not sure what Crowe’s obsession with Topeka is, but I googled it and was reminded that “Almost Famous” also had a Topeka reference in it. 


The Kaw made the top 10 list of most endangered rivers in America.  It’s the only one on the list that is endangered for sand dredging.


Jennifer Lawrence has top billing over Bradley Cooper.


I went to the treasurer’s office on Monday, 10 minutes after they opened and the line was 60 people long, so I said “screw this”.  I went back today and the line is 110 people long.     <<<insert Debbie downer wah-wah-wah music>>>


Got Noles? is selling $10 raffle tickets.  Winner:  Trip to space.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012


 You're right Tyler, they never showed her in the catwoman suit, because this is clearly not the catwoman suit, at all.

Eight Chargers have died since they were in the ’94 Superbowl.


I’m glad to see Jeremy Renner went traditional with a re-curve.  Hey Leedog, can I get one of those quivers at the Nocking Point?


FB  IPO is coming up.  Wish me good zuck, I’m thinking of taking the 10% penalty for cashing in my entire 401k.


I can’t get enough of the 90’s channel on XM.  Where else can you hear Dr. Dre’s “Aint Nuthin but a G Thang”, followed directly by Whitney Housten’s “I Have Nothing”?  BTW:  Is it safe to say that ANBGT is the best duet of all time (any genre)?


So what?  I find Jeremy Renner is attractive!  Who doesn’t?

Wednesday, May 2, 2012


 Oldie but a goodie

When the Mayor was asked about the jokes he told at the expense of Native Americans, prostitutes, and handicapped, he replied “Lighten up!”.


Did you hear about the guy with the tooth ache, who went to his ex-girlfriend the dentist?  She promptly removed all his teeth.


K-State extended the streak of 19 straight NFL drafts with at least one player selected.


Is it just me, or is every underwater scene in a movie unrealistic.  I just watched MI4, and there is a scene where Ethan Hunt is in a car at night, under 20 feet of turbid river water, and he can see well enough to dodge bullets and arrange an elaborate escape.  Now I spent enough time at Blaisdale pool as a child to know that on a clear blue day at noon, I can’t tell if the person 6” from my face is a Wendy or a Wendal.


National Pub:  Jay Leno showed a clip from the Mayor’s speech.


I had a dream that I traveled back in time to 1986 and I met Richard Dean Anderson on the set.  He was typing on a laptop and complaining because the studio was making him submit scripts electronically.  He used air-quotes and said that the studio was embracing “New Media”.  I complimented the studio for being so forward thinking.  RDA then complimented me for being so astute.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012



Hoopla-Follow-up:  Kate Hudson was 32 last week when Jennifer Garner turned 40.


Got Gronk?  K-State does!!!


Did you hear the tasteful and appropriate jokes that the Mayor made during his State-of-the-City Speech?  He made a joke about an “Indian girl” who when dancing on a date with a certain county commissioner and made it rain.  A hooker joke about the same county commissioner’s prom date.  A fun poke at Dyslexics:  D.A.M.  Mother’s Against Dyslexia.  And finally a good old fashioned Irish Joke, because well, why not.


Did you hear about the Chinese company that now makes a line of Helen Keller Sunglasses?  I guess they were tired of the Mayor hogging all of the headlines.


The Saints have been using hidden microphones to spy on visiting teams’ coaches…for 3 years!


New Zealand Government is considering raising the price of cigarettes to $100 a pack, in order to phase out all smoking by 2025.


Give me Kirk Cousins in the 2nd.    


The Lakers left “the land of 10,000 lakes” for the palm trees and botox, so why not the Vikes?


iPhone-5 will have a case made out of “Liquid Metal”.  It’s a new space-age material that is 20 times stronger than the current case.  Has anyone padded their portfolio with “Sky-Net” stock yet?  Don’t wait until it’s too late, LOL.    I love end of the world jokes about death and destruction.