Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Water Guns Don't Wet People, People Wet People

No explanation necessary


Did you see #Supergirl take on two bank robbers with machine guns? I’m in love

The 13 year old in me wants to get excited about the Royals but the jaded adult part of me is just sad.

I heard #MadMax 4 was really good but they should have called it Mad #Charlize

Whenever I visit an office building I always take the stairs but not for health reasons. I like to pretend I’m in #DieHard

Gross, the extreme close-up of blister in #whiplash was almost as bad as #JaredLeto needle hole in Requiem.

One sip and you know why it’s called @Mangria

#StarWars Force Awakens is going to make more money than Avatitanic

#TheMaze 2 looks great.

#ChewieWereHome is going to be the next #KlaatuBaradaNikto ( #Lub if your under 90)

I’ve watched the #Supergirl trailer about 10 times . . . today

Hey #FreddiePrinceJr How you doin’? It was a crazy #SaturdayNight

You know a song’s good when you crank it so loud it makes your rear-view vibrate for the first time #NotYourFault #Awalnation

I guess we’re going to see a lot more two point conversions this year. Thanks #MartyMcFly #BTTF2015 #BTTF #2015

Wow. The #TrueDetective Season 2 trailer looks OTH. I better look into watching season 1.  *show teeth*

Leedog, check out what I won at work. Just in time for #JimmyBuffett

Every time you shuffle, you create a sequence of cards that has never existed . . . ever  #FactOfTheWeek

#CountdownTo2012 #SkyHorns

#TeeOfTheWeek #Tow

#IHadADream I fell asleep in the recliner and had a dream that I was attending a graduation party. All of the sudden a few dead people showed up, imagine the girl from The Ring or any character from 6th Sense (spoiler alert). The dead people wore cap and gown so they appeared normal out of the corner of one’s eye. Then all the super heroes from kick-ass appeared (as dead people of course). I realized it was a scary dream and I started freaking out, caught between two worlds, trying to escape the dead-people party but stuck half-awake, paralyzed on the recliner. Finally I was able to kick the end table and fully return to the safety of the recliner. The end table was overturned in the middle of the living room floor. I sat in the recliner, gasping for air when slowly a face slid into view next to mine, inches away. So close I could feel the musty, sulfury breath of the face . . . the face of a dead person. I screamed and awoke again, this time back in the real world (or so I think).

***Want to travel the world(s)?
***Join Plumber's Academy.
***Use your skills for good.

#FirstWorldProblems #FWP

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Uber Deflated

Oh snap, too many movies to review:

#SafetyNotGuaranteed was great. Fist raise at the end was a classic end of the movie #lol ranking up there with the beer can throw in Whole Nine.

#Predestination had my head exploding twice. #EthanHawk was his usual 7.5 out of 10. And look out for #SarahSnook

#Avengers2 was no better than I’d thought it’d be.

#Nightcrawler was good. Speaking of consistent, #JakeGyllenhunk was his usual 8.5 out of 10. But it was no #Prisoners

Loved the #PepperSprayBurrito guy in #SafetyNotGuaranteed

Seriously, buy stock now in #SarahSnook. Last time I said that was after seeing #shaileneWoodley in #TheDescendents

#Avengers2 was great. But not as good as the first. But that’s like saying the #LastSupper wasn’t as good as the #MonaLisa

Get your ess together Leonardo

The Italian, not Jack the Wisconsinite.

The Italian, not the New Yorker

Oh snap, I just realized #AubreyPlaza really did lose her mom to chocolate milk. #SafetyNotGuaranteed

How many times can one head explode.

. . . at least once more . . . This Christmas . . . #ChewyWereHome (is “were” the proper hashtag for “we’re”?)

It started with Nicholson, perhaps the actor of a generation portraying the Clown Prince of Crime better than probably anyone thought was possible. Then someone not only topped that, but created arguably the most terrifying movie villain of all time. And now #JarodLeto may have topped them all.

#JarodLeto went from teen heart throb in My So-Called Life to the white guy with corn rows in Panic Room to wait, what? Oscar winner . . . to now this

The premise of the Chicken and gravy taco is so promising. But ultimately if the biscuit tastes like a frozen microwaved piece of cardboard, it’s no good. Stick with breakfast burritos and crunch wraps #TacoBell

#CountdownTo2012 Too many to list . . . #Listeria . . . #Baltimore . .  . #BlueBell

Haha, get it? List – Listeria <<<blank expression>>>

#TeeOfTheWeek #Tow

I know one thing, watching #TheHobbit sure gets me to #Walgreens like a mofo

Every few years it suddenly hits me. The phrase “Magic Nose Goblins” and just how funny it is.

#IHadADream Noura had a dream that William Shatner came to do a comedy show and I went backstage during intermission because he and I are friends and I got to stay there and play with this little black girl who he calls his granddaughter, but she told me that she was his granddaughters friend and one day he said he liked her more. Now he doesn't speak to his real granddot. Well then after the show, he gave me $37,000 to help pay off my student loans and to come to Kenya with him and compete in some international swimming meet. But neither of us know how to swim, so the money would also cover training. I woke up at the point where we were training in Kenya, and they were using chocolate chips as forms of training motivation. My trainer was using Andes Mints chocolate chips.

#HaikuByStu #2015
*** Life gives lemons.  Make
*** 1.21 Jiggawatts
*** Thanks Mr. Fusion

#FirstWorldProblems #FWP