Monday, January 17, 2022


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The Arch Emulator and the Seven Keys

Saturday, December 11, 2021

Hasty Book List

I was thrilled to be interviewed about my book on the Hasty Book List. What a great site, Ashley does a great job, very professional. Thanks again Ashley for the feature.

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The Arch Emulator and the Seven Keys

Wednesday, November 24, 2021

The Arch Emulator and the Seven Keys

 “Thank you for meeting me here,” he said.

“We really shouldn’t be seen together in public,” she said.

“We’re in plain sight, it’s the best way to not be seen at all.”

“So, what is it, what couldn’t wait another month for the triennial?”

“We found another emulator.”

“They have the mark then?”

“Yes, but it’s not verified.”

“Shit, it doesn’t matter,” she said. “If this isn’t it, it’s going to happen sooner or later.” She looked at the ceiling for what felt like a full minute.

“Where?” she said.

“Perth, and—”

“Shit,” she interrupted. “Then that makes six.”

He nodded.

“That leaves only Antarctica,” he said.

“I trust you have Antarctica, more than covered?” she asked.

“Of course,” he said, “as always we have a strong presence of watchful eyes in that cold hell.”

“We’ve never had six, not even in Malachy’s time. God rest his soul.”

“God rest his soul.”

“In Perth, do we have a man there close?”

“Yes, and we have an accident planned but—”

“But what?”

“It will be tough, this guy, he’s high up, he is hard to get close to.”

“Our man needs to find a way.”

“I know.” He took a sip of coffee. “Billions of souls depend on it.”

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The Arch Emulator and the Seven Keys

Thursday, November 11, 2021

Wednesday, August 12, 2020

Pre Covid

I started drafting this email over a year ago, so I decided to just keep the subject line the same as what I typed at that time.


Let me be the first to congratulate Patrick Mahomes on being the regular season MVP.


I’ve seriously been addicted to NES Monopoly lately. Check out this final score beatdown on my 9 year old son.

When I was a kid, I couldn’t tell whether the Arby’s logo was a cowboy hat or a roast beef sandwich bun. I was so dumb.


Sometimes I talk to my son, the one who hates me, and after getting literally no response from him, I have to calmly wonder if maybe I’ve been dead the whole movie and he can’t see me.


I can’t wait until Most Stuf 2: Most Stuffer


I never understood why in movies when someone loses the connection on a phone, they rapidly tap on the hang-up button while saying “Hello? Hello?”. Why would someone do that, they’re just hanging up a bunch of times. No one is going to be there.


Since age 10, I was convinced that richard dean anderson posed for the cover of tecmo baseball. In 2020 I decided to google search it.  I’m equally convinced that I am the first person to ever type that in a google search

Current Events: I agree with my father-in-law, Jo Dee Messina’s singing voice is almost indistinguishable from Billy Gilman’s.


The new urinal cakes in the office bathroom smell like Bubble Yum. I want to eat them.


Is the Arby’s logo a hat or a bun?

Wednesday, January 16, 2019

100 Day Countdown

Mcauley Culkin’s my middle name

Do you ever look around at all the strangers on a plane when you are first taking off and wonder what it will be like getting to know these people when the plane crashes on a “Lost” style island?

“The Catch” was so significant because it represented the passing of the torch, but more so. The dynasty of the day fell to the dynasty of all time. It was a generational moment, changing from the greatest generation to the baby boomers. It transcended the game. There hasn’t been a moment like it in 40 years . . . until this Sunday.

The Playstation Classic really sucks. That’s why I forced encouraged my kids to use their Christmas money from Grandma to buy me one. I’m not wasting my money on that piece of crap.

Now that the weather channel is on 24-7 in our new office, I’m fully convinced that the End Times, my mom told was coming my entire life, is here

Kelsey had the record for one hour.

#IHadADream I finished a 5K in just under 2 hours

Mr. LaBarbera is a man named Jason who entered our lives in 1980, he wears a hockey mask. Mr. Voorhees is a man named Jason who entered our lives in 1980, he wears a hockey mask. Anyone else thinking what I’m thinking?

Me and the boys were batching it for a Saturday and let me tell you, best Saturday ever. #DeadpoolMonsterSquadDuckHunt

Wednesday, August 15, 2018

Plastic Straw Poll

I just now “got the joke” about them wild and crazy elephant bones.

I have been trashing weezer non-stop for two months with utter disgust. But in the end they wore me down and I bought Africa on iTunes.

I introduced the boys to Spaceballs. They laughed the whole way through. For me it’s the best Mel Brooks movie, but I was also the right age for this one when it came out, so it could be nostalgia talking. John Candy is great as always but Rick Moranis really steals the show. He is so good. Think back on all of his great roles such as Ghostbusters. No one on earth can do what he does. My favorite scene is either the one where Michael Winslow’s voice still sounds like he’s talking through a distorted PA system or the scene where the grizzly bear tiptoes through the catwalk so no one notices he is taking the last escape pod. . . . ooh ooh or the scene where the droid’s stunt double shrugs in annoyance but the actor does it in such a perfectly non-droid-like manner.

Sinbad is only two years younger than Scott Bakula yet at age 35 he was supposed to be a believable college football player in Necessary Roughness. That’s not even a believable age for an NFL player.

. . . unless you’ve sold your soul to the devil in order to prolong your mediocre career in order to make people think you are the GOAT.

Finally I know it when I misspell dessert because ios shows me a picture of a camel.

I’m just now realizing that I am the same age as Scott Bakula when he starred in Necessary Roughness #FeelingOld

Speaking of old… Tom Cruise just did the cliché “dangle from helicopter skids” bit, as we all know. But did you know that he is one year older than Wilford Brimly when he starred in Cocoon.

Just as a reminder, the plot of Cocoon was that the main characters are so old they will die any minute.