Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Machete Order

This week’s issue of Humpday Hoopla is not very good. I’m totally mailing it in. But it’s been a while, so I thought we needed one. (Sorry to break the 4th wall).

I like to set the bar low.

What happened to November? #amiright

Jonah said, “I watched the beginning of Rocky IV, Uncle Paulie gets a pet robot . . . spoiler alert.”

I can’t believe the #Chiefs are going to win the super bowl in the same year the #Royals took home the series. I told Jason it’s like the time Utah had the first overall pick in Football and Basketball . . . oh snap that was Alex Smith . . . It was meant to be.

Lundberg surveyed her

#FlashbackTo1996 Adam rolled his desk chair over his Tomb Raider CD-ROM disc and cracked it in half. Then he returned it to the store citing: disc defective due to giant crack.
Sometimes I just NEED a serving of Cheetos.

#CountdownTo2012 The biggest movie event in history is here. It’s going to be spectacle like nothing else. Ever. #TheForceAwakens

Did you ever think that everyone in a galaxy far far away might actually be at a much different scale than us. A womp rat is said to be a little bigger than two meters, but maybe a meter is one astronomical unit to us. Which would make Darth Vader, like, I don’t know, 100 feet tall! (I’m no mathematician).  Or maybe a womp rat is like two angstroms, and therefore BB-8 might be a nano-bot if he were on earth. Maybe they’ve traveled here, but we can’t see them. Maybe calling a droid a bot is an insult to them. BB’s all like, “you can’t call me the B-word, only R2 and 3P can call me a bot.” And I’m all like, “It’s cool, I’ve got friends that are droids.”  . . . you just don’t go there.

#IHadADream it was mayfly season. The bathroom window had been left open. A whole bunch of mayflies came into the bathroom. It reminded me of one year prior, when I collected all the mayflies that flew into the bathroom and I fried them up in the skillet with butter and ate them for dinner. My dream was a lot grosser than it sounds. It so grossed me out, that when I finally awoke from the nightmare, I felt physically nauseous for the entire morning.

*** wise vulcan once said
*** logic is the beginning
*** not end, of wisdom

#FirstWorldProblems #FWP

Wednesday, October 21, 2015

Ready to Hover


I saw #TheMartian again last night. It wasn’t any better than the first time I saw it.

#JupiterAscending was pretty good. I’d say the #ChanningTatem roller skates were pretty cool, but it was no hoverboard. #MartyMcFly #BTTFDAY #BackToTheFuture

I think #TheMartian might be the best movie I’ve ever seen.

Yeah, those are Lolo codes. #NES #80s

Sydney Funnal Web toenail #Lub

The Cubbies are still alive. #BTTFDAY #BackToTheFuture

#CountdownTo2012 #OakMites Ouch already. #amiright

If the Royals play the Cubs, it will be really hard for me to root against Canon, but I will. #BTTFDAY #BackToTheFuture #TakeTheCrown

#TeeOfTheWeek #80s

Loving all this 80’s nostalgia. #BTTFDAY #BackToTheFuture #MacGyver #Lifehacks

#IHadADream it was the future. We fought the evil robot cyborgs that looked like Mitt Romney and Harrison Ford.

#HaikuByStu #BackToTheFuture #BTTFDAY
*** It’s finally here
*** The future, 2015
*** For YOU, time is now

#FirstWorldProblems #FWP

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Doctor's Stethoscope

No caption necessary.


I know Wrath of Khan is widely regarded as the best (and it probably is), but for whatever reason, whenever I sit down roll on some Undiscovered Country, I always find it so gosh darn enjoyable.

I sometimes sit and wonder if #OffRoad is the best game of all time.

#WatchMojo didn’t even have #2001 as an honorable mention for best movie of all time #WTFMate

#WashingtonDC was great. I ate at #Popeyes three times! Oh, and I saw some other stuff

These were the best I could do, prior to the eclipse, holding my iPhone up to my binoculars. #Supermoon #SuperBloodMoon #CountdownTo2012

M-O-O-N that spells eclipse

Haha Cholesterol Control Act #QuantumLeap

Taught the kids some #DoubleDragon

Anyone want to go halvsies?

This one’s for you Adam

#TeeOfTheWeek This one’s for you Leedog

#CountdownTo2012 #SuperHenge #Lub

#CountdownTo2012 #HauntedSwing #Lub

#CountdownTo2012 #BritishMeteorologist #Lub 


#IHadADream I was a major mob boss (think Tony Soprano). The FBI made a surprise appearance at my house to search the joint (they do this all the time). I smugly said, “feel free to look around all you want” as I pretended to not be interested and I sat on the couch reading the paper (do they still make “papers”?). Anyway, I always kept the place “clean”. They truly were never going to find anything, except . . . for the sledgehammer that I would always keep in plain sight, leaning against the wall, just daring them to examine (but they never did). The head of the sledge hammer was crimson in color, due to the dried blood that I intentionally don’t clean off.

#HaikuByStu #TheMartian #MartianMovie
*** Martian tomorrow
*** Can’t wait for this sick epic
*** Inner nerd crying

#FirstWorldProblems #FWP

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

New Logo

I still remember seeing #Scream at the movie theater. I must have been about 15, the perfect age for the #WesCraven classic. #Rip

Ziggy, the supercomputer from the future in #QuantumLeap (10 years into the future which is now our past) could operate at a Trillion floating points per second, which is actually pretty right-on for where computing ended up being (although we are now way past that). But I found it funny that Ziggy’s Random Access Memory was one Jiggabyte.

Another one bites the dust

Why does my inbox keep getting cluttered with emails about something called clutter?

They guessed the date wrong in #IAmLegend . . . idiots.  I see now how #BatmanVSuperman will entangle with #SuicideSquad . . . clever DC/WB. #WillSmith

Every few years I see a movie that has me hooked in the first few minutes or even seconds. The last one I saw a couple years ago was #SoundOfMyVoice then this weekend I saw #ExMachina

My biggest beef with Back to the Future Trilogy was when Doc first poured the beer into Mr. Fusion, then dropped the can in. Why didn’t he just drop the can in there in the first place? #glaring #CompletelyRuinsFranchise

One of the benefits of having a project at 15th and McAlister . . . this is only blocks away #31Flavors

And by the way, #OscarIsaac is about to blow up

#CountdownTo2012 #TroxlersFading #Lub


#IHadADream I was being chased by the biggest Transformer in the universe. Mark Walberg kept calling him “Biggie”. He called him that, not because he was big but because when said Transformer died, we were all sad, Puff Daddy Style. It turned out Biggie wasn’t really trying to kill me, because when he took human-form as Gary Busy, he tried to inject me with Sodium Pentothal.

*** Sad 2015
*** No Hover, Fusion, worse yet
*** No Food Hydrator

#FirstWorldProblems #FWP

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

Public Stewdity

#JadeGarden now accepts #Bitcoin

Finally saw #GoneWithTheWind . . . don’t know why they say THAT was the best movie ever? #CitizenKane and #WizardOfOz were each ten times better


#FlashbackTo1889 I knew #BoJackson was good at baseball. The dude defied gravity and ran along a wall in one of the most memorable defensive plays of all time, not to mention he had been rookie of the year. He wasn’t too shabby with the stick, 30+ homers and 100+ ribs in a season. Four consecutive homeruns in four consecutive at-bats. All-Star game MVP . . . the list goes on and on.  I remember once asking my dad if Bo was as good at football as he was at baseball and my dad simply said “He’s better”.

Remember that TV wrist watch from the Dragnet movie?  Circa “too long ago for that kind of technology to actually exist but it did”

McDonalds employees won’t go outside before 5:00 AM to change their drive-thru menu from dinner to breakfast items because it’s “not safe for someone to be outside in this neighborhood before 5:00 AM” They tell me this while I’m outside before 5:00 AM

#JosephGorgeousLevitt was on an eppy of #QuantumLeap. Pretty sure this was pre-Angels

Me and boys have been playing #SuperMarioBros3 nonstop for weeks. I’m convinced, now more than ever, that it was truly the best #NES game . . . maybe (you can’t make me fully commit to something like that)

#JasonDay breaks Tiger’s record at Whistler’s Mother

#IHadADream it was zombie apocalypse. Everyone from the neighborhood came to my house to bunker down for a last stand. I sent my Jonah, My 8-year-old son, to the store in the pickup truck by himslef. I think we needed Doritos.

*** Bo said “Just Do It”
*** Hulk Hogan said “Just Say No”
*** Stew said “I’m confused”

#FirstWorldProblems #FWP
Jason's Office mini-fridge is slightly too cold. Sometimes my Diet Cokes have a little bit of slush in them.

Wednesday, August 5, 2015



The red square rules us all

My taste buds exploded seconds before my head exploded

I know me an Matt had this conversation literally 20 years ago, but think about #MichaelBeihn and the quadrilogy. If I was stranded on an island #TomHanks style, and I could only take 4 movies with me, I think the 4 might be T1, Aliens, Abyss, and The Rock.

Anyone want to go halvsies on a Lily Camera #Lub

20 years later and I’m still not sure whether Clarissa’s pet alligator was supposed to look fake or be fake. Clear cut comic genius in either interpretation.

I’ve got a fever and the only prescription is more Peña

Anyone want to go halvsies on a sensory deprivation chamber? #Lub

Hootie from Hootie and the blowfish is coming to Topeka! Do you think blowfish is singular or plural.

Thanks Tom

#CountdownTo2012 #Cecil

#IHadADream there was a “salt and pepper” colored bunny in the bath tub. So I scooped him out with an inflatable bucket on a stick (I wasn’t about to get no rabies). As I headed for the front door, I noticed that it was actually a brown bunny and a black skunk that had morphed together as one. Then, before I got to the front door, the two animals split apart, returning to a skunk and a bunny. I flung them onto the front porch and quickly slammed the door shut, quietly thanking God I had not been sprayed by the skunk. Then Isaiah opened the front door and grabbed the skunk by the tail and started swinging him around. I started to yell for him to stop, but I was paralyzed with fear. I was so scared I could feel myself starting to wake up and I was once again trapped in that familiar in-between state where I was both lying in bed and standing in the living room watching a skunk get terrible-toweled. I tried to yell in both places, but I couldn’t.

*** showed our density destiny
*** rad cars, shoes, boards and pizzas
*** Flux Capacitor

#FirstWorldProblems #FWP Chipotle is on the other side of town. It takes the whole lunch hour just to get there and back.

Wednesday, July 22, 2015


When I saw this sign . . . I could hear in my head that song from #DieHard when they opened the safe

Dusted off my copy of Volcano and watched it with the kids. Thought it was funny that they had to make #AnneHeche in her 20’s look like a sophisticated scientist so they gave her reading glasses because every 20-something I know needs reading glasses. I know, I know, I shouldn’t make fun of a film that tackled such tough issues as divorce and racism . . . and this:
What the heck, it’s youtube clip day I guess

How many different times in how many different movies can we see Bruce Wayne’s parents killed? #BatmanVSuperman

Me and the kids dug out the old #8Bit this weekend

You ask for miracles Theo I give you the FBI #DieHardOfTheWeek

I like pretending to shop at the produce section of the Kwik Shop so I can cool off. 110 heat index amiright

Saw McFarland, USA. It’s by far the best cross-country sports movie, I’ve probably ever seen.

#heathledger was probably the best ever, but he didn’t pull off the eddie haskell grin quite like #jaredleto

Trailer for #JoyMovie looks weird but also a heavy dose of #JLaw so sign me up

No caption necessary . . .

#CountdownTo2012 #Pluto


#IHadADream that my favorite store was going out of business so I kept waking up before my alarm (in real life) so I could go shopping before it closed for good.

*** Need to clear conscience
*** The penitent man will pass
*** Indy 3 was best

#FirstWorldProblems #FWP