12.38

Functional 

Lucky #7 and Lucky #7

 

Wow:  parousia - Lub

 

Countdown to 2032:  California legalizes “Demolition Man” style self-driving cars

 

Countdown to 1932:  Florida public schools introduce paddling

 

Countdown to 2012:  You have heard of “death by firing squad”?  China deploys “death by steamroller” (ala austin powers)

 

Die Hard of the Week:  “O.M.Gosh, the quarterback is toast”

 

The Chiefs are getting ready to play in their 4^th game of the year, and so far, all season, they have never led in game with time on the clock…..and they are playing for first place this weekend.

 

ESPN:  Cline is a lock for the troph, if the cats go 12-0.

 

They are having some sewer problems in Zim-bob-way, so the government is having everybody flush their toilets at the same time.  It’s a synchronized flush at 7:30 pm on the spot.

 

It’s political:  Presidential candidates are even adding their two cents on the NFL refs

 

Did you realized that Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Douglas (its hyphenated) shared a birthday yesterday.  There is only 1/40^th of a millennium in age difference.

12.37

 Iron Mike

Lucky #13

 

Hit and Run:  Lindsey Lowen is at it again. 

 

Countdown to 2012:  The guy who almost died of black plague, had to have his fingers and toes cut off.  (Ripped from the headlines of “countdown to 1212)

 

Japanese scientists discover fake tooth enamel.  (This, on the eve of Chinese invasion.  Coincidence?  Or so the Germans would have us think.)

 

Vince Vaughn, Owen Wilson, and Will Ferrell are filming their new movie at Google Fort Knox

 

Lub:  Bomb Calorimeter – Lub  (BTW:  I’m probably on an FBI watch-list now)

Charles Barkley finishes his career 0-4 against The Cardinals.

Amish on Amish Hate:  Amish Amish Beard-cutters, face prison time. (no typo)

 

If the NHL is not careful, they may be replaced in “the big four” by Winston Cup.  (I couldn’t even type that with a straight face).    Hahahahahahaha race car driving is stupid.

 

Countdown to 2012:  New anti-anti-biotic superbug claims 7^th Victim.  (no typo)

12.36, Belated for no Reason

 Cerebral

Kstate #14

 

RG3!

 

Wow:  Burnish – Lub

 

Military designs robot that runs faster than Usain Bolt.

 

Thailand woman commits suicide by jumping into hungry crocodile pit.  Husband’s response was:  “yep, sounds like something she would do”

 

Man in Sweden dies when doctor leaves for lunch during operation.

 

RIP-MCD

 

The hill-billy pigs drop out of the top 25 (from #8) after losing in OT!

 

Luck looked like a rookie out there.

12.35, Opening Day/Abridged Holidy

 

Comedy

Horror

I just watch the “D” trilogy with the kids over the weekend.  What an epic saga:  In the first movie they play against the 20-time defending state champs, the Hawks (draped in all black), then they up the ante in part 2 by fighting for American freedom against evil communist Iceland in the world championships! Finally, they don’t hold anything back for the third movie where the thrilling climax is an epic high school scrimmage against their own team.  I hope they make a D4 that ends with a 2:00 A.M. Sega Genesis showdown in the college dorms.

 

Billy Galispi is the new mike leach/ mark mangino, in that he is now in trouble for being mean to his players.  The latest that I heard was that he made them shave and get haircuts.

 

Wow:  Stalomg – The psueduo-word that one inadvertently types when one’s intent is to type “Staking” but one’s hand slides to the right of the home-keys by one key.

 

Speaking of Quorty trivia, “Stewardesses” and “stewarts” can both be typed with one hand.  Yes!!!  (Note:  Quarty is pronounced qwerty)

12.34

 Pareidolia

Wow: pareidolia – Lub

 

Road Trip:  State Fair turns 100

 

Did you hear about the prankster in Montana who dressed up in a Big-Foot suit and thought it would be funny to scare some motorists on the highway?   You can guess how this story ended….with a toe tag….a BIG toe tag.

 

I went to 5^th Avenue:   No big deal.  It’s basically a poor man’s Butterfinger.  L

 

In “2010: The year we make contact”, a boy had poster of an Olympic sprinter on wall with the title “Beijing 08”.  In real life, Beijing wasn’t selected until the early 2000’s.  The movie was filmed in 1983.

 

I red boxed “ATM”.  It’s “Saw” meets “Joy Ride”.   So basically, awesome.

 

First August that I ever needed hand lotion and chap stick.

 

Office over.

 

Pee-Wee 60.

 

Remember in the 80’s when they said we would all be dead by the turn of the century from African killer bees migrating north from central America?  Now the buzz word (pun intended) is West Nile Virus.  Didn’t we already debunk this farce about 10 years ago?  Come on, give me a break.  Bird flu, swine flu, who gives a sh……….. (that’s from Happy Gilmore)

 

Jets:  First team since the 70’s, not to score a TD in 3 pre-season games

 

Speaking of Windows ’95, why are we still using the same operating system, almost 20 years later.  Think of how far software came in the previous 20 years before 1995.  Sandra Bullock ordered a pizza online in 1995….easily. 

 

Does anyone want to go in and split the cost of a west nile appocolypse survival bunker?

 

Three perfect games so far this year (most ever).  I remember Kenny Rogers like it was yesterday.  At the time, I think they only had one about every ten years or so.  I don’t know if lowering the mound a few inches is going to fix it this time.  Maybe we need to put them in fox holes.

 

Batman III cracks top 10 all-time box office sales.  I wonder how much it would have made.

 

I’m addicted to 5^th Avenue trips.  I’m up to like 1.2 BPD’s (bars per day)

12.33

 NCAA Shirt

It’s the Nebraska Furniture Mart of home improvement stores, that is if Nebraska Furniture Mart is Buckingham Palace.  The excellence is noticed, even before you enter the building; first you are hypnotized by the all-concrete parking lot with luxurious 10’ wide parking stalls, then you walk through the turn-styles and feel like a kid at Worlds of Fun.  They got groceries, sporting goods, DVD’s and for the peace day résistance, they even had some sort of Little Debbie snack that I had never seen before that resembled a ding dong (in looks only).  Bye-bye Lowes.  Bye-bye Home Depot.

 

Wow: desist - Lub

 

We should have known then, what we know now:  Chasing Pavements slipped under our noses.

 

The trailer for “Red Dawn” is out.  It looks….ok.  Captain Kirk’s dad, Captain Kirk, reprises the Patrick Swayze roll!  It was originally filmed with China as the bad guy, but outside pressure forced the filmmakers to Change the flags from China to North Korea, with computer graphics in post-production.

 

I got in line at the Paola McDonalds at 10:25 on Monday.  The chap in front of me ordered 3 chicken sandwiches and 2 fish sandwiches.  The clerk said, and I quote: “I’m serving breakfasts, pops”.  The man reluctantly changed his order to 5 Sausage McMuffins with egg.  I then stepped up and ordered 1 bacon-egg-cheese-bisk.  The clerk said:  “We are no longer serving breakfast”.  I almost went “Falling Down” on him, but I was late for a meeting and I kindly stormed out.

 

Sporting wins open cup. The prize is rich in tradition; older than the Lambardi Trophy, older than the Stanley Cup……Nobody noticed

 

F-Bomb now in Dictionary.

 

Menards had slightly unorthodox checkout lanes….I’m never going back.

 

History:  Perhaps the most recognizable song in America (including the Star Spangled Banner):  “Home on the Range”  was written in 1872 in Kansas, about Kansas by a Kansas pioneer.

 

If the $350 Mill doesn’t hit tonight, were doing a pool for the next one.

 

Legacy and Tradition:  See attached Tee.  The back of the shirt says: “Overstepping Their Bounds And Punishing The Innocent”  This shirt is sold in the Penn State book store.

12.32

 Twinks

Wow:  mete – Lub

 

Sorry, I don’t have as many news stories to comment on this week.  I have been going “media silent” as to not get Olympic spoiler updates.  Although Jason finds a way to spoil most of the outcomes for me anyway.  Thanks Jason, what a good friend.

 

IRS considers value of Olympic gold medal as income, taxes Olympians.

 

Hey Jason:  tonight I’m going to watch “Planet of the Apes”, “Sixth Sense”, and “Psycho”, maybe you can tell me the ending, before I watch it.

 

We all heard the story that Lockte pees in the pool during races, but my question is about that urban legend where the water turns color when you pee in the pool.  That’s got to be made-up, right?

 

2-time NCAA National Champ (soon to be 3-time) from K-State took the silver in high-jump.

 

I found 5^th Avenue.  (It’s at the corner of 17^th & Washburn)