Wednesday, February 6, 2013

13.06

 Perfect



Cappernick was robbed by that power outage.

 

China’s gone spaceballs:  The air is so smoggy that cans of air are being sold as a delicacy.

 

Gomer gets married.

 

I thought long and hard about issuing an addendum last week about deer antler spray.  I wisely decided against it.

 

North Korea released propaganda video of missiles pummeling the US with background music of “We are the World”.  Maybe Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s portrayal of Kim Jung ||| in Team America wasn’t too far off base.

 

Hey, I would be on board with Leon Sand Castle

 

Beyonce` in the news again:  Causes “big game blackout of 2013”

 

Countdown to 2012:  The Feb 15 meteor that will pass within 3.5 earth radii and well within geosyncrounous orbit is the diameter of half a football field and the same size as the famed meteorite that caused the Arizona crater 50,000 years ago.


Wednesday, January 30, 2013

13.05

 Niners




Why does the oval office have that stealth door?

 

Gangman style makes $8 mill on U-tube

 

Only two players have ever had multiple superbowl appearances separated by twelve years. (Sharper, Seau)

 

The most expensive ticket to see the Chiefs in Super Bowl I, was $12.

 

Evil Dead IV!!!!!!!!!!

 

If Kapparnick wins the Harbowl, then I’m declaring it right here and now:  Michael Jordan of Football.  (We’ve been waiting for so long)  Sorry Jerry  L

 

JJ Abrams, Episode VII

 

Die Hard of the Week:  “I never quit yet”  -Bruce Willis tells Billy Bob Thorton

 

B1G has one title in twenty-three years.  (hahahaha you suck)

 

“Ted” is up for an Academy Award?

 

Countdown to 2012:  Scientists invent tractor beam

 

Tigers back (75 wins!).  I guarantee two majors this year from the Collin Kappernick of golf.

 

When the computers simulate the big game in February, the niners win 2/3 of the time.

 

The warmest day ever in January (76°) followed the next day by snow.

 

What the hell is this symbol for?:  76◦

 

Coincidence of the Week (Qow):  Clint Eastwood and Dirty Harry are both from San Francisco (Home of Collin Keaperknick)


Wednesday, January 23, 2013

13.04

 Wow



Flashback to 1989:  Remember when Ben would always refer to Dr. Seaver’s patients as “mental patients”.

 

Oops, the record skipped (milly vanillly style) for Beyonce`

 

Happy B-day TAT (I’ll always love you)

 

Brady Dirty?  No way!

 

90’s What the Fun(WTF)movie idea:  Did Tim Robbins really star in a romantic comedy with Einstein as a central character?

 

Cow:  I’m not saying Callahan sabatoged the super bowl, I’m just saying that he hated the organization that he coached, and he tried to make his friend (coach of the other team) win the game. -Lub

 

Footlong Fiasco

 

Happy B-day RDA (I’ll always love you)

 

All Cappernick can do is run (21 yards in fake loss (win) to the Jake Ryan (Jake Ryan!?! (John Hughes))). 

Not to be confused with Jack Ryan (Hunt for Red October/2012 Vice Presidential Nominee). 

 

Countdown to 2012: Nasa sends picture of mona lisa smile to moon with laser beams

 

Sunflower Beat-down:  That was the most lop sided exhibit in the long history of this rivalry.  Domination from start to finish.  Outcome never in doubt.  It was a multiple point defeat.


Thursday, January 17, 2013

13.03

Flashback

 


Wow:  Refulgence - Lub

 

No hall of fame

 

Heisman Hoax.  Sorry Collin

 

Ruth, Gretzky, Jordan………..Kaepernick?

 

My recent fascination with the “I’m going a Wichita” has led me to a lyric lookup.  I think it might be referencing bleeding Kansas.

 

Christopher Nolan’s Interstellar

 

Rip: 787


Thursday, January 10, 2013

13.02, Oops I forgot to send this yesterday

 Endorsed by


Oregon has season low yardage output.

 

If you overcook Kraft instant mac, it sprays a residue of alien mucus (from Aliens) all over the microwave.

 

BTTFow: “Get out of here!  I never knew you did anything creative.”

 

Flashback to 1989: “In Stereo Where Available”.

 

We only have a few more weeks of playoffs and then the no more sports until September. L  R.I.P. Frank

 

Alien mucus is not easy to clean from household appliances.

 

Die Hard of the Week: “Thanks for the advice.”


Thursday, January 3, 2013

13.01

 We can all save on shipping if we do one big order



Good news Leedog






In 1979, McDonalds went classy, and hired the chef at Drake hotel, Chicago.  His first creation: The McNugget.  The debut was so successful that every franchise in the US wanted them.  It didn’t take long for there to be a world wide shortage of chicken.  McDonalds needed a way to temporarily soften the demand for Chicken, so they sent the chef back to the kitchen and he emerged in 1981 with The McRib.  By 1985, the world chicken supply was keeping up with demand and McDonalds discontinued the McRib.  A decade of letters and pitch forks later, McDonalds brought back the McRib in 1994 for limited time.   America went McNuts once again.  McDonalds concluded that the success was due to the novelty of limited availability and have used that model ever since.

 

Die Hard of the Week:  “Your nothing more than a common thief.” -Bonnie Badeelia.  “I’m an exceptional thief.”  -Hans Goober

 

Countdown to 2012:  Saint Francis Hospital just bought a million dollar robot….surgeon.

 

Wow:  Tensegrity – Lub

 

Craigslist sperm donor story has made national news.

 

Mary-Louise Parker is almost 50?  She’s a knock out!

 

Cow:  “Oh yeah? You played at Kansas State?  Did you play for Coach Schneider?” - Lub

 

Countdown to 2012:  In Iceland you can name your baby anything you want, so long is it’s on the state approved list of names (1,712 male names and 1,853 female name).  They don’t want kids to be made fun of on the playground because of their name.

 

They’re still at it:  State of Pennsylvania sues NCAA for unjust sanctions.

 

Andy Reed has more playoff wins than the Chiefs have ever had.

 

The last QB drafted by the Chiefs to win a game was Tod Blacklidge in 1987

 

I watched Looper with Joseph gorgeous Levvitt.  It was pretty good, but it was no Inception. 

 

Ray Lewis, the only original Cleveland Brown on the team will retire.  The first person he sacked in his career was Jim Harbough, the unknown, long-lost brother of his own coach, John Harbough.


Thursday, December 27, 2012

12.51

 doubt



Did you hear about the dentist that fired his dental assistant of 10 years.  The reason for termination was irresistible attractiveness.  He was worried that he might cheat on his wife with her.  She sued for sexual discrimination, but the panel of all-male judges dismissed the suit saying “sorry, I can’t blame the guy, your just too darned irresistibly attractive”.

 

Wow Flashback:  “Computer Files” (See Humpday Hoopla Vol. 94.32)

 

Damon and Affleck lose the will

 

The Chiefs have a good punter.

 

I’m on a crowe bender.  Just watch Elizabethtown.  I can’t wait for his next, starting emma stone and Bradley cooper.

 

Countdown to 2012:  Ison to be brighter than the moon.

 

I just can’t get excited about basketball this year, even though we just beat a top 10 team on a neutral floor.  It’s just too sad watching Franks players out there.

 

Die Hard of the week:  “Oh the weather outside is frightful, dum dee dum delightful.”

 

The guy who played Ralphie in Christmas Story is now 41 and firmly entrenched in the Vaugn/Favrough brand.  He produced The break-up, 4 Christmases and Iron Man.  He also directed couples retreat.

 

NG-STOW: “Tea. Earl-Grey. Hot.”