13.09

 Jean Jacket

Rain, sleet, and snow?  Humpday’s got time for dat.

 

Got Smiths?  One Smith down, one to go.

 

After guests complained of funny tasting water at an L.A. hotel, the police found a body that had been decomposing in the roof tank for two weeks.  Officials say not to worry, that the corpse water was not harmful.

 

Got Tauntaun?

 

Flashback to 1988:  My dad always called his rubber boots his “rubbers”.

 

Did you hear about the gal who was cooking waffles in the oven and some handgun ammunition that was left in the oven by her roomate exploded and shot her.  Yes, you heard that correctly, she was cooking waffles in the oven.

 

Did you hear about the strange stuff that Jesse Jackson Jr. bought with the stolen money?  (mostly Michael Jackson’s fedoras).  It’s like that scene in Airheads where they request a bunch of weird stuff, so they can plead insanity later.

 

Topeka got the 6^th most snow in a day ever, with 10”

 

Academy award winner: Jennifer Lawrence!  There goes my chances.

 

The human genome has faster 40 time than Cam Neutron, and same time as Kappernick and Russel.

 

Cow:  “Drivers and Danica start your engines” – Lub

 

Cow:  “We’re not saying that Iowa State should have won, we’re just saying that 2 of the 3 refs will never work in this business again” – Lub

 

Somebody forgot the first rule of fight club

13.08

 Save us Meteor Man

RIP in KC:  At least one dead in explosion.

 

Countdown to 2012:  Valentines Asteroid Flyby may have brought SanFran meteor

 

Countdown to 2012:  Valentines Asteroid Flyby may have brought Russian meteor

 

Countdown to 2012:  Chernoble roof collapses.  “it was heavy snow that collapsed the roof, Don’t worry, no danger of radiation….nothing to see here”

 

Nike drops “I am the bullet in the chamber” ad for Blade Runner when accused of Murder by bullet in the chamber.

 

Rain, sleet, and snow?  Humpday’s got time for dat.

 

Got Caffeine?  Grab a Quadriginoctuple Frap.  52-ounce Vente with 40 shots of expresso.

 

Did you hear about the pitcher who got traded to the blue jays where they don’t allow pit bulls?  He decided it was better to split up with his wife and kids rather than give the dog away.

 

Kansas ranks #1 in costs for tornadoes per person.

 

This just in:  Danica is decent.  (disclaimer:  I know nothing about nas car players)

 

Oscar Week Flashback (1997):  Little known Ben Affleck and Matt Damon wrote Good Will Hunting and shopped it around Hollywood studies, but nobody wanted it.  So they went to their old buddy Kevin Smith for help.  He was able to convince Miramax to do the movie.  Then Affleck and Damon begged Smith to direct the feature, but he declined, stating that it needed to be a “good director”.  So the studio secured Gus Van Sant and rest is history.

13.07 - One Day Early

It's a blast

 

The first German Pope in 1000 years will likely be the first pope to retire in 600.

When you lose 46 out of the last 49 times that you play somebody, you can’t really make fun of their loss a week earlier that was the biggest RPI upset in history.

Countdown to 2012:  Solar Superstorm coming.

Classy Cutler:  He proposed via text message and then mailed the ring.

Did you hear about the guy who parked in a regular spot, and the city crews came and painted the spot handicapped and then the meter maid came by had his car towed.

Did we say “king richard’s bones”, what we meant to say was “keith richard’s bones”.

Amish beard-cutter update:  Life in Prison

Die Hard

Cow:  “This is the worst Jayhawk team since the Dr. Naismith team that lost to the Topeka YMCA.” –Bill Self

Its official, soccer is professional wrestling

Countdown to 2012:  Valentine’s Day Meteor caused by Global Warming.

I think Black Crown is my new favorite beer.

Did you hear about the classy Cameran Crazies chanting “How’s your Grandma?” to the kid shooting free throws whos grandma died just days prior.

13.06

 Perfect

Cappernick was robbed by that power outage.

 

China’s gone spaceballs:  The air is so smoggy that cans of air are being sold as a delicacy.

 

Gomer gets married.

 

I thought long and hard about issuing an addendum last week about deer antler spray.  I wisely decided against it.

 

North Korea released propaganda video of missiles pummeling the US with background music of “We are the World”.  Maybe Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s portrayal of Kim Jung ||| in Team America wasn’t too far off base.

 

Hey, I would be on board with Leon Sand Castle

 

Beyonce` in the news again:  Causes “big game blackout of 2013”

 

Countdown to 2012:  The Feb 15 meteor that will pass within 3.5 earth radii and well within geosyncrounous orbit is the diameter of half a football field and the same size as the famed meteorite that caused the Arizona crater 50,000 years ago.